Since I have had quite a hard time finding a job, I have decided to do modeling to fill in the gaps. I’m quite excited about it, but I am also scared as hell.

I have a photoshoot tomorrow with my roommate, hopefully to prepare me for a real job soon enough. I have gotten many requests by local photographers to work with them, and I am going to give it my all.

Also, just to be safe, one of my roommates will be going with me to every consultation I have just to make sure the photographers are ACTUAL photographers and not just creepers. No worries, I am being smart about this.

Wish me luck!

I want to go back to the time when the only drama in my life was from the TV shows I steal from the internet and watch.

Let me just get one HUGE thing off my chest. This not only goes to my family, but goes to anyone I know who does not accept me for who I am.

I am gay. OK? Gay.

Yes, I was girly before. No, I am not so much any more.

Ask me why. Ask me questions. I have been waiting two years for people to just ask me questions. I will not get upset. I will not be offended. Any questions that you have about gayness in general or me being gay or anything, just ASK! I will answer your questions truthfully to the best of my abilities. I will not get upset. I have been waiting for your questions.

I know it is hard when you think one way about someone for so long, and all of the sudden they are a different person. Everything you ever knew about them is up for question. You wonder if you knew them at all. It is not an easy thing to do. I know you have questions on your mind, so please, JUST ASK!

For those of you who are afraid to ask questions, here are some answers anyways:

I knew when I was very little. My first crush was Krista (the fairy from Fern Gully). I hid it because I didn’t think it was safe to come out in our town, and I was afraid. I did not choose to be gay at all. I tried to turn myself straight for 18 years of my life. All of the boys I dated previously did not mean anything to me. I dated them to try to turn myself straight.

I have finally accepted myself, after 18 years. I don’t expect you to accept me right away. It has been only 2 years since I came out. But please, make an effort! Ask questions instead of making assumptions.

And DEAR LORD! Stop telling me I was prettier when I was fake. The long blonde hair, all the make-up, always wearing pink, it’s a serious low blow to me. It tells me that you liked me better when I was pretending to be straight, when I was shallow, and fake. It hurts. It tells me that you like me before I found myself, loved myself, and completely undermines everything I have ever worked on in myself. My hair is short, I DONATED IT! Some pretty little cancer patient will love it more than I did. I do wear make-up still, just not every day. I don’t feel like I need to. I wear dresses quite often as well.

Please just try to understand, and if you don’t, ask me what you are confused about. Stop pretending that you are okay with it, and let me help you understand.

I am stuck in a rut and all this drama is not helping!

I know I haven’t been blogging lately, because all I want to blog about are whiny, bitchy, feelings.

urrrggggg!

On the upside (yes, there is one), I have been doing a whole lot of nothing productive. I have been turned down many many times for jobs, but I am still looking! I am half way through The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan, the first in The Wheel of Time series, and I love it! I have also been hooked on a couple of TV shows: Bones, Mental, House, Dead Like Me… Tonight I am going to a Schoolyard Heroes Concert, and I am super excited about it! The amount of Webcomics I read on a regular basis is getting kind of silly. There are: Questionable Content, Anders Loves Maria, Curvy, Tweep, Octopus Pie, and XKCD.

I have a twitter: www.twitter.com/canhaslee Which I update way more often then my website.

I am hopelessly in love with Sarah Porter.

The cats have made peace with eachother, and are friends now. Taj AKA Moth is a big cuddle bug.

My niece Jade is absolutely adorable! She can roll over now, she chooses what she wants to eat and wear. She shakes her head no when she doesn’t want something. She is beautiful and her personality is blooming and wonderful!

My sister and I are closer than ever now, and I am so honored to have such a great sister. I love her a lot!

I have hulled myself up in my room lately, but I will get over it soon enough.

Harry Potter is almost out!!!!! Yes, I will be dressing up and going with my roommate(s).

I am done.