I’m knitting up a storm and I love it! Here are my latest projects:

I have been called by many names in the past. Anytime someone changes their name, whether it be legally or just a nickname, it is hard to enforce in the beginning. Also, there will always be people that will always know you as your “original” name.

Let us begin my identity adventure.

Ashley Rose Olson: Birth Name

Ashley Rose Olson-Sowards: Middle School name

Ashley Rose Sowards-Olson: High School name

Ashley Rose Sowards: Legal name change at 18.

Lee Sowards: My preferred name of choice.

Here is why:

Everyone knows about my bouts with pretending to be straight, being depressed, all sorts of being girly, ect. I refer to that time as my Slave Time. When I was girly and fake, it was my Slave Body. I also feel like “Ashley” is my slave name. Lee is just the second half of Ashley. The real half. Also, “lee” is androgynous, which I am a huge fan of. I just feel like it suits me better. I chose it, I like it, I want to be called by it.

So please, make a mental note.

In other news:

I’m dating someone, and they make me happy.
Taj got fixed today.
I am moving in March.
I am wearing a Power Rangers T-Shirt

Goodnight

I’m not sure if I mentioned this previously, but I am taking a year off of school. The first fall term of not going to school was a little terrifying, but I really needed the break. I have relaxed a lot, as previously stated, I am a lot more social as well. Some things though, have not changed at all. I still read like a student, and I fear that I will never get over this. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just entertaining to me.

In my last year, I took a psychology class in which I found a new obsession or two. For some unknown reason, I find Lobotomys FASCINATING! I am totally obsessed with the idea of damaging the frontal lobe for mood altering purposes. While I was reading an article titled “The Rise and Fall of the Frontal Lobotomy” and I found that, despite that this reading was for pleasure, I was taking notes. When will I ever use these notes? Why was I taking them? Out of habit, because I will always be a student! Will I ever be able to read without formulating essays is my head? I already know that I will never shed my habit of correcting grammar, but honestly, is it necessary for me to have a comparative essay on Scott Westerfeld, George Orwell, and Aldous Huxley on the back burner of my brain?

Also, I do plan on going back to school in the Fall. I’m going into the Maritime Program through Seattle Central Community College. True, this has nothing to do with the early practices of psychology, but I truly have a passion for the maritime industry and would be in complete bliss to be captain of a cruise ship.

In the meantime though, I will job search (always) and geek out over Phineas Gage’s mood altering accident to his anterior left lobe.

Check it out, the title is actually two DIFFERENT words this time! (I noticed that right before logging in, and it annoyed me for some reason.)

Guess what? I’m still hulling myself up and cuddling my cat (he’s so cute!) but I have made vast improvements at being a social human being! I have a job interview coming up that might actually end in gainful employment and a steady paycheck!

I volunteered for Equal Rights Washington and handed out fliers about Ref. 71 to STRANGERS! Yea, I practically begged strangers to talk to me, it was terrifying but rewarding. If you don’t know about Ref. 71 I would like you to please slap yourself. Then, read this:

ahem.

Washington already has a law in place giving domestic partnership and some domestic partnership benefits to same-sex couples. Ref. 71 is trying to appeal these rights.

Vote YES if you would like to keep domestic partnership/benefits in Washington, if you are totally awesome, or IF YOU LOVE ME!!

Vote NO….well….just don’t. alright? Even if you’re not down with the LGBT community (us queers), it is not your place to say if we get rights or not. I promise that WHEN this bill passes I will not try to domestic partnership you just because I have the right to. You’re not my type anyways.

So anyways, I talked to strangers for a good 4 hours and it was…social. (It was for a good cause, and there was a pretty girl)

I went to the club opening of Republiq downtown. Be glad I did, so you don’t have to. This club is not going to last more than 3 months here in Seattle. Really. No booze, no re-entry for smokers, and its 16+ not 18+. The music was horrid, the “club” was just a glamorized office space, and seriously?! No booze?! We all ditched an hour after we got there. It was that bad. Plus, Republiq? Who are you trying to fool you pretentious asses. I can’t stand when businesses purposefully misspell words so they look swank on a business card. Be a little more creative, and just so you know, literate people will not show up.

Sorry, I’m foaming at the mouth a little here. Let me just do some Yoga chants…

Shanti Shanti Shanti

Alright. I’m calm.

I’m sorry to inform the lovers of my face piercings, that if/when I get hired, they may all have to go. I know, it’s sad, but totally worth it. That means, Portlanders, that I may be down before next Monday to make a sad visit to Straight to the Point. I love my anti-eyebrow ALOT, but I am willing to put it on the chopping block if it is stopping me from getting this job.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here:

Blue Shiney on my FACE

The blue sparkle under my eye is not a stick on or a weird reflection. It’s a piercing, and I love it.

On to happier things! LESS THAN A WEEK!!! In less than a week I can go to bars! Woooo!

Yet again I have forgotten about my blog, my twitter, my facespace. I have turned into a recluse and have been reading and cuddling my cat way too much.

I have started watching Lost. I am on the 3rd season, so don’t spoil it for me! I actually like the show.

I am on the 3rd book from the Wheel of Time series, and I still like it.

I got Pokemon Platinum, and beat it.

I got Scribblenauts, and have almost beat it.

I have started playing Sims again, which almost makes me feel social.

I still have yet to find a real job.

But, despite all of this, I have made a new friend. My friend from Highschool came to visit from San Fran. I have even decided to visit her in San Fran over Thanksgiving. I have actually reconnected with two people from highschool, and it was very enjoyable.

(someone’s car alarm is going off, and I want so smash the windows out their car….)

Be patient with me, I will be social once more. Just give me time.

Also, I changed my major. Since I am taking a year off of school anyways, I am going to use that time to make sure that I am absolutely positive about my new career choices. I will keep you updated on that.

The best news yet?

My 21st birthday is in about a month! Horay!

Oh, and today is my mom’s birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!

Since I have had quite a hard time finding a job, I have decided to do modeling to fill in the gaps. I’m quite excited about it, but I am also scared as hell.

I have a photoshoot tomorrow with my roommate, hopefully to prepare me for a real job soon enough. I have gotten many requests by local photographers to work with them, and I am going to give it my all.

Also, just to be safe, one of my roommates will be going with me to every consultation I have just to make sure the photographers are ACTUAL photographers and not just creepers. No worries, I am being smart about this.

Wish me luck!

I want to go back to the time when the only drama in my life was from the TV shows I steal from the internet and watch.

Let me just get one HUGE thing off my chest. This not only goes to my family, but goes to anyone I know who does not accept me for who I am.

I am gay. OK? Gay.

Yes, I was girly before. No, I am not so much any more.

Ask me why. Ask me questions. I have been waiting two years for people to just ask me questions. I will not get upset. I will not be offended. Any questions that you have about gayness in general or me being gay or anything, just ASK! I will answer your questions truthfully to the best of my abilities. I will not get upset. I have been waiting for your questions.

I know it is hard when you think one way about someone for so long, and all of the sudden they are a different person. Everything you ever knew about them is up for question. You wonder if you knew them at all. It is not an easy thing to do. I know you have questions on your mind, so please, JUST ASK!

For those of you who are afraid to ask questions, here are some answers anyways:

I knew when I was very little. My first crush was Krista (the fairy from Fern Gully). I hid it because I didn’t think it was safe to come out in our town, and I was afraid. I did not choose to be gay at all. I tried to turn myself straight for 18 years of my life. All of the boys I dated previously did not mean anything to me. I dated them to try to turn myself straight.

I have finally accepted myself, after 18 years. I don’t expect you to accept me right away. It has been only 2 years since I came out. But please, make an effort! Ask questions instead of making assumptions.

And DEAR LORD! Stop telling me I was prettier when I was fake. The long blonde hair, all the make-up, always wearing pink, it’s a serious low blow to me. It tells me that you liked me better when I was pretending to be straight, when I was shallow, and fake. It hurts. It tells me that you like me before I found myself, loved myself, and completely undermines everything I have ever worked on in myself. My hair is short, I DONATED IT! Some pretty little cancer patient will love it more than I did. I do wear make-up still, just not every day. I don’t feel like I need to. I wear dresses quite often as well.

Please just try to understand, and if you don’t, ask me what you are confused about. Stop pretending that you are okay with it, and let me help you understand.

I am stuck in a rut and all this drama is not helping!

I know I haven’t been blogging lately, because all I want to blog about are whiny, bitchy, feelings.

urrrggggg!

On the upside (yes, there is one), I have been doing a whole lot of nothing productive. I have been turned down many many times for jobs, but I am still looking! I am half way through The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan, the first in The Wheel of Time series, and I love it! I have also been hooked on a couple of TV shows: Bones, Mental, House, Dead Like Me… Tonight I am going to a Schoolyard Heroes Concert, and I am super excited about it! The amount of Webcomics I read on a regular basis is getting kind of silly. There are: Questionable Content, Anders Loves Maria, Curvy, Tweep, Octopus Pie, and XKCD.

I have a twitter: www.twitter.com/canhaslee Which I update way more often then my website.

I am hopelessly in love with Sarah Porter.

The cats have made peace with eachother, and are friends now. Taj AKA Moth is a big cuddle bug.

My niece Jade is absolutely adorable! She can roll over now, she chooses what she wants to eat and wear. She shakes her head no when she doesn’t want something. She is beautiful and her personality is blooming and wonderful!

My sister and I are closer than ever now, and I am so honored to have such a great sister. I love her a lot!

I have hulled myself up in my room lately, but I will get over it soon enough.

Harry Potter is almost out!!!!! Yes, I will be dressing up and going with my roommate(s).

I am done.

I finished the Harry Potter series quicker that I had expected. I also finished school this week as well (finally!). Today is my resume workshop day in which I try to make myself sound friggen amazing so someone will finally hire me. Tomorrow I am going to hand out my resume to all the bookstores I know about/come across in the way.

In the meantime, I am reading a book called Nine Parts of Desire: The Hiden World of Islamic Women by Geraldine Brooks.

I am interested in women in the Middle East, and I hope to one day go there and study them myself. But for now, I will settle on reading what other people have studied and wrote about.

P.S.
Whoever is outside with sweet and sour chicken, the smell is wafting into my house.

Today I called animal control because there was a beautiful pit bull locked in some ass-wipe’s car. In this heat? Seriously? If you know you have to be somewhere, drop the dog off at home. DO NOT LOCK IT IN YOUR CAR!

Animal control came and the temperature inside the car was 92.8. (the car was in the shade by the time they got there, and the windows were cracked.) Still though. Too Hot!!

The guy is getting a ticket, and I saved animal control Seattle’s number in my phone.

Please people, in this weather, be aware of poor animals locked in cars and CALL THEM IN! It is cruelty.

I was talking to the officer, and he told me he can’t count how many dead dogs he has pulled out of cars because of heat exhaustion. Even when it was only like 60 out this can happen. Be aware, and don’t be afraid to call it in!

I just watched a documentary called “We Are Wizards” and it got me all sorts of excited about Harry Potter again. I may re-read the series before the movie comes out, and you know I will read the UK versions because my series is finally complete! yay!

Yes, that is what I am going to do.
Who wants to re-read the series again with me? Any takers? I’m starting tomorrow right after my Psych test.

123…waituntiltomorrow…thenGO! (story of my life! haha)